


Bitter Brew

by littlewonder



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bitterness, Love Potion/Spell, Love/Hate, M/M, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Sharing a Bed, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 05:11:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19805440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlewonder/pseuds/littlewonder
Summary: After Snape is forced to stay overnight at Grimmauld Place in Lupin's room, he struggles with the charge.





	Bitter Brew

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted to [LJ](https://littlewonder2.livejournal.com/14275.html)

"I won't do it." 

"What?" 

"I'm not brewing that pathetic potion that you are incapable of brewing yourself," said Snape. "There is no longer need of it now that we are in a houseful of perfectly compentent wizards that aren't myself." 

"But," Lupin said, "you know that you are the only one here whose hands are free enough to tend to it, and no matter how competant the others are, there's no topping your skills. You did it when I occupied your coveted teachers post. How is it any different now?" 

"It was bad enough when I had to see you once a month. But now that you're back, I must confess that I am beginning to lose my patience." 

"Severus --" said Lupin, stretching out his arm. 

Snape drew back sharply. "Keep away from me!" 

Lupin's eyes filled with understanding as Snape's filled with the old loathing. "Oh." 

"Why can't you just accept what happened?" 

"It serves no purpose. Ultimately, you end up brokenhearted and shamefaced." 

"Severus..." said Lupin. 

"Save it," said Snape, snapping his head towards Lupin. "You think you can weasel me back into brewing again?" 

"I'd do anything for that bitter brew." 

"I bet," bit Snape. "I bet you'd repeat your offences if it got you that Wolfsbane." 

A knock on the door. Two heads turned to see Ron Weasley enter. 

"Lupin," came his voice from the doorway. "Yes, Ron, what is it?" said Lupin pleasantly. 

"Mom wants to see you two in the Order meeting now, they're about to begin." 

"Thank you, Ron," said Lupin, and Ron automatically left as Lupin turned back towards Snape again. Snape was glaring again. But just as Lupin opened his mouth to say something, Snape stalked away from him, and Lupin hadn't realised how close they had been standing until Snape moved away. His eyes followed Snape to the door, where Snape froze and said, "Better move it, if you know what's good for you." And he left the room. 

Now Snape was going to be in one of his moods. That couldn't be good. All Lupin knew was that he was going to have to keep out of the way, and hope for the best. Hope that he wouldn't be too direct in expressing it. 

He followed Snape into the kitchen, where they were to have their meeting. He could feel Snape's glares on him as he sat, and he looked away nervously, trying to ignore it. 

Of course, he could not stop Sirius and Severus from fighting, and all the time he was stuck in the middle. But this, at least, brought them to their senses a bit. At least, for now. But he couldn't help being more wary of two anyway. Severus was getting more restless as the meeting drew on, and it grew late by the time it ended. 

Severus got up hastily when it did, and made for the door, before Dumbledore stopped him. "Severus, I really think you ought to stay here for the night." 

"What?" snapped Black, but he was ignored; all eyes were on Dumbledore at this statement. "I understand that you are restless to leave, Severus," he began, upon seeing that Snape was about to protest, "but I really think it would be best for all of us; I'm sorry for keeping you, Severus, but we did start rather late, and its almost midnight now." 

Snape's frustration with Dumbledore was clearly visible on his paling face, the story easily readable in his furious eyes. Dumbledore seemed to notice none of this, and he went even further when he then scared Lupin with what he said next: "There is a spare room you can use, but I'm afraid you will have to share with Lupin." 

Lupin could feel his usually cold skin tinge warm as his fear of the impeding night ahead loomed dangerously. Snape also looked sideways at him with a look that should have turned his blood cold, but only succeeded in heating it further. He had a feeling he would need no fireplace tonight. 

"Yes, Headmaster," said Snape begrudgingly, acidly, making Lupin's heart sink as Snape still looked at him while saying it. It was going to be a rough night. 

"Very well," said Dumbledore, turning to Lupin, "you may show Severus to your room now." 

"Wait a minute --" said Sirius, but was cut off by Dumbledore. 

"That's enough," he said. "Unless you'd prefer him in your room?" Everyone knew what Dumbledore was doing in this, and what effect this would have. They all looked at Sirius now. And Sirius shut up. 

Dumbledore nodded to Lupin, and Lupin looked to Snape for a moment before leading the way out of the room. They walked in silence before reaching Lupin's room. It was only when Severus had come in and Lupin had closed the door behind him did he see there was a problem. 

One bed. One single bed in a small room. This was going to be awkward; it certainly wasn't going improve his already tense situation with Snape. He stumbled for words. "Uh, I...I don't know about you...but I'd say we've got some sorting to do...I mean..." 

Snape looked him straight in the eyes with a firm look, eyebrows lifting slightly. "No kidding, Lupin. I certainly don't know why Dumbledore suggested this room, the thought of sharing a room in here is a reckless fantasy at best." His voice was strangely calm, and Lupin automatically knew what this meant. 

"You want the bed, don't you?" 

"Preferably without you in it." 

"Preferably?" asked Lupin. Was that even an option? Personally, it seemed like the only option, but he seriously doubted Snape would go for it, especially in the mood he was in. 

Snape glared. "I will not share a bed with you." 

"But you just said --" 

"Did you really think I meant that?" 

"You said it." 

Suddenly, Snape threw him against the wall furiously and pinned him there, the darkness in his eyes reflected by wide-eyed madness. Snape was so close against him, but for once he was not grateful; he was damn scary. Lupin's breath came hot and shallow, and he just wanted to slink away, and worse still was the horrible sensation that he was about to be hit. He felt trapped against the wall, Snape leaning in, making Lupin feel like a shadow was being cast over him. He prepared himself for it. 

But there came no collision, or even a soft and threatening hiss. Snape just stood there, hovering for a moment, before backing off. Relieved, Lupin peeled himself from the wall and took a step forwards. Snape stood a couple of feet away, piercing Lupin with a soft glare, while Lupin returned the look with one of curious concern. They remained that way for several minutes. 

"So..." said Lupin finally, "I don't know what just happened...but thank you for withdrawing from it." 

"Don't reach too much into it," said Snape. "I only stopped because I don't intend to let this get out. Whether or not you chose to go blabbing about it, causing you harm would just as surely give me away as if I were to go around shouting the fact." 

"You're going to keep this secret? But what if it happens again?" 

"It won't." 

"How do you know?" 

"Because I alone know what I am capable and not capable of!" cried Snape. "I have never once slipped in my Occlumency; this is the exact same principle." He began taking off insignificant parts of his usual ensemble, making Lupin blush and turn away. When he got to his buttons, Snape froze and looked up at Lupin. "Do you mind?" 

"Uh -- no -- sorry --" and he turned to his own wardrobe, so that his back was to Snape, and opened it, before beginning to rifle through. 

"I meant," said Snape loudly, cause Lupin to jump and turn to him, only to find two more buttons undone; Snape hastily covered his chest wuth the fabric, "get out," he said coldly. 

"You don't need to be ashamed --" 

"Get out!" 

"I -- I cant..." 

"And why not?" said Snape coldly. 

"They'll be expecting us to share rooms...what will they say if you kick me out?" 

"I doubt they'll mind if I'm simply changing." 

But Lupin did not want to leave this room; it wasn't that he was a pervert or anything, it's just that he was afraid to leave the room. Sure enough as he was that he was afraid of Snape, afraid of pushing him too far, he was even more afraid to leave the room, because it was inclusive to outright rejection, and that was his greatest fear. He'd do anything to stay. 

"I won't look." 

"I don't trust you," said Snape coldly. "Out." 

Lupin hesitated. "Fine," he said, preparing himself as he thought of one way to escape this outcome. He was almost too scared to say it. "If you don't mind my telling Dumbledore, or even Sirius, about what you almost did." 

Snape glared for a long moment, after a while seeming to be deciding. He began to do up his buttons. 

"You're not getting changed?" 

"Not with you here." 

"But I won't look!" 

"I -- don't -- trust you!" Snape spelled it out. And he stormed to the door. "Take the bed," he spat, and a second later, he was gone. 

Lupin just stood there then, staring at the door, silently begging Snape to come back, running though the scenario in his mind over and over as he stared, wishing, hoping. He felt empty; he felt cold; he felt drained. He felt like this was just as bad as leaving, worse even. At least he knew he'd have come back. But Snape? 

Knowing the private man he is, he would talk of what had happened. But it would become clear, surely, that something had. This was not good, for either of them. He moved towards the door to chase after him, but froze at the door handle; this was going to be a rough night. He did not know where, if anywhere else, Snape would change, but he had to do the same while he was here and alone. Snape would have to come in his own time. It was probably better that way; Snape could cover himself as he always had done. 

In less than five minutes, Lupin was settling in his bed. Meanwhile, elsewhere in the old house, Ron Weasley was attempting to brew a love potion he'd heard about. He was alone in the kitchen, had snuck in here after everyone had gone to bed, to brew this potion. He didn't want anyone to know, especially not the woman he would slip it to, that he was making it. 

But he would not be so lucky. 

"Weasley," drawled Snape from the doorway, and Weasley's head snapped frightenedly, "what's this?" 

Weasley frantically tried to hide everything, but Snape strode over to where he was, and pulled his wrist. Weasley stopped immediately, dropping some of the things he had, and looked at Snape petrified. Snape lingered on his student's frightened face for a moment, before his eyes drifted to the moderately sized cauldron on the kitchen counter and its contents. 

"A love potion?" said Snape silkily, turning back to Weasley. "And just who were you intending to use this on?" 

"Fleur Delacour," whimpered Weasley. 

"Well, I'll have to tell Miss Delacour of the danger she was almost dragged into. And Dumbledore will want to know." 

Whatever was left in Weasley's expression that had remained calm turned to terror now, and Snape mentioned Fleur's name. "N-no, p-please don't tell F-Fleur..." 

"If you didn't want her to know, then you shouldn't have been brewing love potion in the first place," said Snape, and his nose scrunched up. "No less one that couldn't make your aunt love you." Weasley went red. 

"Clean this mess up. Now," demanded Snape, and Weasley wasted no time in following the order. When it was done, Snape said, "Now go to bed." Weasley didn't need telling twice, and ran out of sight. 

Snape was alone in the kitchen now, surrounded by darkness and wondering what to do with himself. He was not going back to Lupin, although he knew he would eventually have to. So he stepped into the kitchen and moved about it as though trying to keep busy. He could not keep this up very long, though, and ended up sitting down. 

Snape in the dark. Eyes and hair and robes as black as the night that surrounded him. All the bitterness resting in the air around, just from this one gesture. It would've been a sight. But soon enough, that sight would leave for other rooms, until the man stopped to examine himself. Why was he doing this? It was nonsensical, it was childish. So with a dimished vigour, he headed back to where Lupin was. 

When he got there, he saw Lupin in his bed, taking up one half of it. Snape closed the door behind him and took a step forward. He wished he had some other choice but this, but Snape could not sleep on the floor. Sharing a bed with Lupin was a humiliation he could not describe. He did not know Lupin's sleeping habits, either; how did he know Lupin wouldn't turn around and end up draped upon his back? He didn't want any implications made. 

Lupin stirred. "Severus?" 

Snape froze. Then Lupin turned on his back to look at him. "Lupin," replied Snape, "you're still awake?" 

"Yes," croaked Lupin, and Snape realised that while he'd been suffering outside this room, Lupin had been suffering inside it. 

"What have you been doing?" 

"Waiting for you." 

And with that, all the belief that Snape had held about Lupin was slapped from his chest. He had always been bitter about what he had thought Lupin's feelings towards him were, but now that he knew he was wrong all along, that Lupin actually did care as deeply for him as he'd always said, he found himself even more bitter than he had been before. 

All these years, it had been a comfort, albeit one that he hated Lupin for, to think that Lupin never cared for him personally, a thought that was certainly backed up by his actions; after all, if he had really cared for him, why never try to stop his friends from attacking Snape, like the Gryffindor he was wont to be? But it had also been a bitter point, too, and that was why he hated Lupin for it; because despite all his shortcomings, Snape truly did, secretly, like Lupin too. 

But now that Lupin liked him back, he was at a loss, and that only made him angrier. "Waiting for me?" he said, quietly furious. 

"Severus --" 

"I...don't want to hear it, Lupin," hissed Snape softly, slowly approaching Lupin on his side of the bed. As Snape got closer, Lupin got up straighter, unsure of what Snape was about to do. As Snape got closer, Lupin once again saw the fury in his eyes, and Lupin once again was afraid. It was just like last time, except this time, Lupin doubted that Snape was about to hold back. 

Snape smashed Lupin back against the wall, squeezing his shoulder so tight it hurt when Lupin was still recovering from pain reverberating upon the collision he'd just suffered, and Snape crushed his lips bitterly against his, sucking the moisture from his mouth at the same time as climbing on the top of him. 

Realising now what this was, Lupin returned the kiss, though the way Snape was pressing down on his lips, it wasn't exactly easy. And from there, it only got more difficult to return Snape's gestures, and Snape pulled Lupin closer to him. Eventually, the sank deeper down into the bed as Snape pulled at him. 

A flurry of lips; clothes being pulled at, before eventually tossed aside; entangling bodies getting hungrier as they rubbed against each other... 

When Lupin awoke in the morning, it was only then that he realised the sum of his actions. Last night, they had done something he had never thought possible, and it was beautiful, and he didn't regret it... But, there were consequences, always had to be consequences. And his consequence was how Snape would react when he realised what he had done, even if it was Snape himself whom had done it. 

In fact, Lupin awoke mere minutes before Snape did, so he had to face this consequence straight away. No less with the blanket strewn about messily so that it hardly covered them, and made it only too obvious that they were both nude. 

He endured the yelling, he watched as Snape picked up his clothes and hastened into them, Lupin himself repeating this action at a somewhat calmer pace, he even took the liberty of cleaning up the mess with his wand. And then he watched Snape storm out. 

He would've said that he knew Snape would never trust him again. But the fact of what had just happened gave him doubt. Sighing, he followed Snape out the door a few moments later. 

When he reached the main room that his room was hidden behind, Dumbledore was there, smiling at him. Then, just as he was about to smile back and move past him, Dumbledore approached Lupin. "I don't think any of us but the two of you know what happened between you last night, but whatever happened, I certainly think you have had a profound effect upon Severus." 

Lupin was confused. "What do you mean?" 

"I have always rather thought that Severus has always favoured you; it was the reason why I made him stay with you. And I had always thought that you, too, had fancied him. Now I think that he must requite those feelings; he told me a moment ago, all in a rage, mind you, that you can expect your potion in one more week. What does that tell you?" 

Lupin smiled. He knew exactly what this meant; he was right. "He likes me."


End file.
